there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
