And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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