yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
