Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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