I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
