Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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