so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
