do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
