Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize