Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
