I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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