is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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