and you said cock pushups were impossible
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
