just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
