After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
