Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
