Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
