would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
