Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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