You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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