Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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