Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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