Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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