there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
