Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she peed on how many people?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
