Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
