Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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