Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
