Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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  (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3ttc
  Replies (39) Good night (1466) Bad night (4804)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.

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  (703): I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like. http://tfl.nu/tgx7
  Replies (33) Good night (1147) Bad night (2722)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (9001) Bad night (1471)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.

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  (608): I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina. http://tfl.nu/zhac
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (2954)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

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  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7662) Bad night (904)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate

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  (360): Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate http://tfl.nu/9xzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1521) Bad night (547)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha

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  (402): I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha http://tfl.nu/npx2
  Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (415)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.

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  (519): My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/s24c
  Replies (19) Good night (3576) Bad night (570)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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  (404): Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician. http://tfl.nu/u2ls
  Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (307)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  The family next to you was not pleased

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  (919): I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box. (1-919): The family next to you was not pleased http://tfl.nu/vcup
  Replies (8) Good night (323) Bad night (514)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.

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  (832): You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised. http://tfl.nu/pjx8
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (291)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke

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  (206): You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke http://tfl.nu/er3q
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (249)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?

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  (781): Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station? http://tfl.nu/6qox
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (339)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.

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  (817): Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult. (817): I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this. http://tfl.nu/zqxi
  Replies (5) Good night (450) Bad night (266)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"

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  (586): dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit" http://tfl.nu/jnwo
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (242)

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