Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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