Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.