I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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