I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
