You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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