Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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