Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
