don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
