i wish my penis had a tongue
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
