Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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