if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
