I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
