I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
