I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
