You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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