proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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