The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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