don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
