Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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