if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
