can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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