guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
