I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
