How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
