Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
