worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
