Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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