I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
