Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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