Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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