I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
