At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
