Whod you bang
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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