he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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