Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
