Do you still have your period?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
