Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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