She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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