Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
