thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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