I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
