Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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