Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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