If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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