the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
