My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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