I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
