im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
