Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
