i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
