literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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