I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
