i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
